Studies show that self-esteem correlates to how successful a person is in life. A person's self-esteem is how
much they value themselves--their self-worth. Self-esteem is your overall opinion of yourself — how you
honestly feel about your abilities and limitations. Self-esteem is shaped by your thoughts, relationships and
experiences. Self-esteem affects virtually every facet of your life, including your relationships, your job and
your health. Self-esteem tends to fluctuate over time, depending on your circumstances. It's normal to go
through times when you feel down —or especially good—about yourself.
much they value themselves--their self-worth. Self-esteem is your overall opinion of yourself — how you
honestly feel about your abilities and limitations. Self-esteem is shaped by your thoughts, relationships and
experiences. Self-esteem affects virtually every facet of your life, including your relationships, your job and
your health. Self-esteem tends to fluctuate over time, depending on your circumstances. It's normal to go
through times when you feel down —or especially good—about yourself.
| Dreams, Visions and Me By: Nedra Lucas January 2012 |
Below are snapshots, short descriptions, of the
three (3) types of self-esteem:
Overly high self-esteem. If you regard yourself
more highly than others do, you might have an
unrealistically positive view of yourself. When you have an
inflated sense of self-esteem, you often feel superior to
those around you. Such feelings can lead you to become
arrogant or self-indulgent and believe that you deserve
special privileges.
Low self-esteem. When you have low or negative
self-esteem, you put little value on your opinions and ideas.
You focus on your perceived weaknesses and faults and
give scant credit to your skills and assets. You believe that
others are more capable or successful. You might be
unable to accept compliments or positive feedback. You
might fear failure, which can hold you back from
succeeding at work or school. You have dark thoughts
about yourself (may be a quitter, escape through use of
drugs or alcohol), experience feelings of hopelessness
and depression, and tend to isolate yourself from others.
Healthy self-esteem. Healthy self-esteem lies
between these two extremes. It means you have a
balanced, accurate view of yourself. For instance, you have
a good opinion of your abilities but recognize your flaws.
When you understand your own worth, you invite the
respect of others. Healthy people make mistakes and do
not interpret their mistakes as indicative of their self-worth.
Socially, they acknowledge the strengths and successes in
others and do not have the need to compete or compare
themselves with others.
HOW DOES SELF-ESTEEM DEVELOP?
Accurate self-awareness is key to having a healthy self-
esteem. When you are self-aware you pay attention to the
needs of your heart, mind and body. You are aware of the
things you feel with your emotions, the things you think with
your mind, as well as the things you experience through the
five senses. Some people would describe it as "being in
touch with your inner person, your soul." When what you
know about you comes from someone else, it’s second-
hand and in most cases may not be accurate.
Self-esteem begins to form in early childhood. Factors that
can influence self-esteem include:
• Your own thoughts and perceptions based on what
you hear said about you and the way your are treated. In
the black community, children are usually assigned
nicknames. These nicknames reflect physical
characteristics or some deed done by mistake.
• How other people react to you. In the black community
it is a common practice for people who are meeting you for
the first time or in greeting you, to immediately comment on
your physical appearance, as if in appraisal. They might
say, “Hey, slim-goodie,” to a tall thin person. Or, to a short
person with a slight frame, they might comment, “Oh, look
at you. You’re just a little bit, aren’t you?” Children who are
over-weight may have it the hardest. People often feel
compelled to comment on their weight.
• Experiences at school, work and in the community.
Often times a child’s physical appearance is the reason
why they are selected for special attention at school. It can
be the basis for their popularity or the reason why they are
left out or over looked. The cute little girl scout sells the
most cookies. The school’s star basketball player is
recommended for a summer job—without even seeking it.
• Illness, disability or injury. There was a young man
who returned from the war in Iraq to the neighborhood
where he grew up and was well known. He came back
disable and confined to a wheel chair for the rest of his life.
It wasn’t long before his neighbors—who all knew his
name—began to refer to him as “wheel chair man.” There
was no disrespect intended, but…
three (3) types of self-esteem:
Overly high self-esteem. If you regard yourself
more highly than others do, you might have an
unrealistically positive view of yourself. When you have an
inflated sense of self-esteem, you often feel superior to
those around you. Such feelings can lead you to become
arrogant or self-indulgent and believe that you deserve
special privileges.
Low self-esteem. When you have low or negative
self-esteem, you put little value on your opinions and ideas.
You focus on your perceived weaknesses and faults and
give scant credit to your skills and assets. You believe that
others are more capable or successful. You might be
unable to accept compliments or positive feedback. You
might fear failure, which can hold you back from
succeeding at work or school. You have dark thoughts
about yourself (may be a quitter, escape through use of
drugs or alcohol), experience feelings of hopelessness
and depression, and tend to isolate yourself from others.
Healthy self-esteem. Healthy self-esteem lies
between these two extremes. It means you have a
balanced, accurate view of yourself. For instance, you have
a good opinion of your abilities but recognize your flaws.
When you understand your own worth, you invite the
respect of others. Healthy people make mistakes and do
not interpret their mistakes as indicative of their self-worth.
Socially, they acknowledge the strengths and successes in
others and do not have the need to compete or compare
themselves with others.
HOW DOES SELF-ESTEEM DEVELOP?
Accurate self-awareness is key to having a healthy self-
esteem. When you are self-aware you pay attention to the
needs of your heart, mind and body. You are aware of the
things you feel with your emotions, the things you think with
your mind, as well as the things you experience through the
five senses. Some people would describe it as "being in
touch with your inner person, your soul." When what you
know about you comes from someone else, it’s second-
hand and in most cases may not be accurate.
Self-esteem begins to form in early childhood. Factors that
can influence self-esteem include:
• Your own thoughts and perceptions based on what
you hear said about you and the way your are treated. In
the black community, children are usually assigned
nicknames. These nicknames reflect physical
characteristics or some deed done by mistake.
• How other people react to you. In the black community
it is a common practice for people who are meeting you for
the first time or in greeting you, to immediately comment on
your physical appearance, as if in appraisal. They might
say, “Hey, slim-goodie,” to a tall thin person. Or, to a short
person with a slight frame, they might comment, “Oh, look
at you. You’re just a little bit, aren’t you?” Children who are
over-weight may have it the hardest. People often feel
compelled to comment on their weight.
• Experiences at school, work and in the community.
Often times a child’s physical appearance is the reason
why they are selected for special attention at school. It can
be the basis for their popularity or the reason why they are
left out or over looked. The cute little girl scout sells the
most cookies. The school’s star basketball player is
recommended for a summer job—without even seeking it.
• Illness, disability or injury. There was a young man
who returned from the war in Iraq to the neighborhood
where he grew up and was well known. He came back
disable and confined to a wheel chair for the rest of his life.
It wasn’t long before his neighbors—who all knew his
name—began to refer to him as “wheel chair man.” There
was no disrespect intended, but…
Other factors that shape your self-esteem include:
• Culture
• Religion
• Role and status in society
When your culture is different from the mainstream you tend
to be pushed to the outside of daily social activities. You
may have to tolerate comments about your dress, your
eating habits, and your beliefs. This also happens when
your religion is unique to the mainstream. In American
culture there is a tendency to recognize the worth of a
person based on their role in society (i.e., civic leader,
beauty queen), their physical appearance, and the their
financial worth.
It makes most people feel inferior when they do not have the
means to live in ways that resemble any aspect of the rich
and famous lifestyle. While most people accept they cannot
have that lifestyle, they subscribe to it in smaller ways: the
fact that the kind of car they own, the neighborhood they live
in, whether or not they have "good hair," who do they know
that has influence in the community. It is these kinds of
issues that affect the self-esteem of the average everyday
person.
WHAT CAN YOU DO TO ENSURE HEALTHY ESTEEM?
Many beliefs you hold about yourself today reflect messages
you've received from these people over time. Relationships
with those close to you are especially important to your self-
esteem. Parents, siblings, peers, teachers and other
important contacts such as relatives, constitute your close
relationships. If your close relationships are strong and you
receive generally positive feedback, you're more likely to see
yourself as worthwhile and have healthier self-esteem. If
you receive mostly negative feedback and are often
criticized, teased or devalued by others, you're more likely to
struggle with poor self-esteem.
The thing about self-esteem is: you don't have to allow your
opinion of yourself to be based on that of anyone else! Bad
or good feedback...your esteem of your self should always
come from inside you, from what you're telling yourself.
SELF-TALK IS THE KEY
Researchers tell us the average person uses over 50,000
words each day that reflect on their level of self-esteem.
The question becomes: what are you telling yourself about
you?
You cannot erase the negative things from the past that you
may have believed about yourself. But, you can begin today
to reframe those things each time one pops up in your
mind. If your parents often said things like "You couldn't
figure your way out of a paper bag," you tell yourself, "Each
day I'm getting better at..." If people have teased you about
your physical appearance, making you feel less than good
looking, fix yourself up...be the best you can be and tell
yourself often, "Geez, I'm such a babe!"
Confident people wake up each day telling themselves
positive things about themselves. Many use famous
quotes. Most develop their own confidence script using
statements that are called "affirmations." You should have
an affirmation for each aspect of your life that you find to be a
challenge.
Of course, this writer suggests you based your self-talk on
the Holy Scriptures. Affirming you are what God says you
are is the strongest step you can take to healing a damaged
self-esteem. Knowing you are a child of Almighty God, a
joint heir with Jesus Christ, a person made a little lower
than angels, and able to call things that be not into being...
well, that's powerful. But that is also truly who, whose and
what you are.
Recognize your true worth. Hold on to it. It is your hope.
• Culture
• Religion
• Role and status in society
When your culture is different from the mainstream you tend
to be pushed to the outside of daily social activities. You
may have to tolerate comments about your dress, your
eating habits, and your beliefs. This also happens when
your religion is unique to the mainstream. In American
culture there is a tendency to recognize the worth of a
person based on their role in society (i.e., civic leader,
beauty queen), their physical appearance, and the their
financial worth.
It makes most people feel inferior when they do not have the
means to live in ways that resemble any aspect of the rich
and famous lifestyle. While most people accept they cannot
have that lifestyle, they subscribe to it in smaller ways: the
fact that the kind of car they own, the neighborhood they live
in, whether or not they have "good hair," who do they know
that has influence in the community. It is these kinds of
issues that affect the self-esteem of the average everyday
person.
WHAT CAN YOU DO TO ENSURE HEALTHY ESTEEM?
Many beliefs you hold about yourself today reflect messages
you've received from these people over time. Relationships
with those close to you are especially important to your self-
esteem. Parents, siblings, peers, teachers and other
important contacts such as relatives, constitute your close
relationships. If your close relationships are strong and you
receive generally positive feedback, you're more likely to see
yourself as worthwhile and have healthier self-esteem. If
you receive mostly negative feedback and are often
criticized, teased or devalued by others, you're more likely to
struggle with poor self-esteem.
The thing about self-esteem is: you don't have to allow your
opinion of yourself to be based on that of anyone else! Bad
or good feedback...your esteem of your self should always
come from inside you, from what you're telling yourself.
SELF-TALK IS THE KEY
Researchers tell us the average person uses over 50,000
words each day that reflect on their level of self-esteem.
The question becomes: what are you telling yourself about
you?
You cannot erase the negative things from the past that you
may have believed about yourself. But, you can begin today
to reframe those things each time one pops up in your
mind. If your parents often said things like "You couldn't
figure your way out of a paper bag," you tell yourself, "Each
day I'm getting better at..." If people have teased you about
your physical appearance, making you feel less than good
looking, fix yourself up...be the best you can be and tell
yourself often, "Geez, I'm such a babe!"
Confident people wake up each day telling themselves
positive things about themselves. Many use famous
quotes. Most develop their own confidence script using
statements that are called "affirmations." You should have
an affirmation for each aspect of your life that you find to be a
challenge.
Of course, this writer suggests you based your self-talk on
the Holy Scriptures. Affirming you are what God says you
are is the strongest step you can take to healing a damaged
self-esteem. Knowing you are a child of Almighty God, a
joint heir with Jesus Christ, a person made a little lower
than angels, and able to call things that be not into being...
well, that's powerful. But that is also truly who, whose and
what you are.
Recognize your true worth. Hold on to it. It is your hope.
| All Rights Reserved. Copyright 2012 Nedra Lucas |
READING ROOM