Check the Thermostat...What's the Temp In Here?
By Nedra Lucas
What Does Violence In the Home Look Like?
When most people think of violence occurring int the home, they see images of black eyes and broken bones
resulting from a physical confrontation between spouses. While these physical indicators are definitely signs
of domestic abuse, family violence can be much more--and much less noticeable.
Family violence has been described as the systematic attempt to control, manipulate and/or demean a spouse
or intimate partner or a child using physical, emotional or sexual tactics or other abusive behaviors. The life
coaches at The Mission know that family violence includes all incidence of violence occurring in the home.
It can occur between the parents and the children.
It can occur between the grandparents and their adult children or even their grandchildren.
It can occur between ex-husbands and ex-wives, between partners and people who are dating.
It can occur between a person's partner and the person's children.
It can occur in the inner city among people have little income.
It can occur in the suburbs among people have high incomes.
It can occur among whites, blacks, Hispanics, Asians and native Americans.
Domestic violence occurs in the home between people involved in personal relationships.
Battered people come from all walks of life, from every ethnic, socio-economic, and cultural groups. All
battered people are victims of violence; they do not "provoke it" and they do not "deserve it." It can no longer
be described as a "family problem." It is a crime with serious consequences for the victims, and for the
community they live in. Violence occurring in the home does not "work itself out." It does not go away when
the children grow up. It does not get better over time. What it does is--it requires that someone take action to
stop it.
Take the temperature at your house and determine what you might need to do:
Please note: this thermometer reading ends at the beginning--at the point of reaching a
scorching hot temp. To begin your assessment, start at the bottom. Like violence, this
thermometer escalates in degree of incidence.
Family living in intimidation from member with violent potential.
Dr. Jekyll/Mr. Hyde personalities (charming one minute, explosive the next).
Physical indicators such as bruises, whelps, contusions on the body.
Women frequently provoke their men to hit them because they “won’t do as they
are told.”
Belief that “children need a father, even if he’s not a good one.”
Mother/wife/girlfriend beaten and/or humiliated, abuse occurring in front of children.
Screening of phone calls, limiting visitation from people outside of the home.
Father/live-in boyfriend demands obedience from wife and children.
Belief of rigidly-enforced roles for men and women.
The use of violence is seen as a trait of being masculine; boys allowed to rough
house & hit even girls.
Use of recreational drugs and/or alcohol usually ends with fighting.
Frequent adult confrontations: screaming, shouting, pushing and shoving.
Signs of distress and/or depressions (such as moping, crying a lot), inattentiveness.
Children and/or pets are treated with cruelty and ridicule.
Adults are allowed to hit to “keep their kids in line,” and to control them by whatever
means necessary.
Family history of battering.
While only "you" can decide how much violence in your home is too much, please
scorching hot temp. To begin your assessment, start at the bottom. Like violence, this
thermometer escalates in degree of incidence.
Family living in intimidation from member with violent potential.
Dr. Jekyll/Mr. Hyde personalities (charming one minute, explosive the next).
Physical indicators such as bruises, whelps, contusions on the body.
Women frequently provoke their men to hit them because they “won’t do as they
are told.”
Belief that “children need a father, even if he’s not a good one.”
Mother/wife/girlfriend beaten and/or humiliated, abuse occurring in front of children.
Screening of phone calls, limiting visitation from people outside of the home.
Father/live-in boyfriend demands obedience from wife and children.
Belief of rigidly-enforced roles for men and women.
The use of violence is seen as a trait of being masculine; boys allowed to rough
house & hit even girls.
Use of recreational drugs and/or alcohol usually ends with fighting.
Frequent adult confrontations: screaming, shouting, pushing and shoving.
Signs of distress and/or depressions (such as moping, crying a lot), inattentiveness.
Children and/or pets are treated with cruelty and ridicule.
Adults are allowed to hit to “keep their kids in line,” and to control them by whatever
means necessary.
Family history of battering.
While only "you" can decide how much violence in your home is too much, please
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give every consideration to the thought that perhaps any violence at all is too much. What you may be able to
tolerate or defend yourself against, may be the breaking point for another member in your household. The best
thing to do, if any negative behaviors exist, is to ask the members of the household how they feel about it. If
you are unsure of how to ask or are unsure of what your next steps would be--call a Life Coach at The Mission.
(313) 930-0062 The Mission Hotline - 24 hours/day
tolerate or defend yourself against, may be the breaking point for another member in your household. The best
thing to do, if any negative behaviors exist, is to ask the members of the household how they feel about it. If
you are unsure of how to ask or are unsure of what your next steps would be--call a Life Coach at The Mission.
(313) 930-0062 The Mission Hotline - 24 hours/day
READING ROOM